If She Murdered Somebody in Cold Blood, I Would Love Her

 

I'm going to start this by admitting that I searched for a full 11 minutes before I settled on the above image of Mila Kunis. There were so many to pick from, and then I got distracted because all of them were pretty and I was like "oooooh, I want to touch her," and then I started thinking about touching her, and then I got even more distracted and 11 minutes later - here we are.

I think it's common knowledge that most Hollywood stars are glamorous, and gorgeous, and plated in gold. But there has always been something undeniably special about Mila Kunis. 

I feel as though my writing might sound scattered, or stupid - because when I see her (and, let's face it, she is staring a me like a sex kitten right now and it is VERY distracting), I get... scattered and stupid.

As a queer woman, I feel zero shame lusting over actresses. Actually, there are only one or two male actors that I find attractive. The rest are all women. I love Salma Hayek, Gal Gadot, Penelope Cruz, Kirby Howell-Baptiste, and a number of other gorgeous actresses. But for some reason, Mila Kunis has always just made my brain explode into a million fragments of stupid clumsiness.

 I've thought about what I could do with that kind of power A LOT in my life, and it's honestly not even the power that makes me wish I could have her body, her face, her everything. It's actually just the fact that I would love myself more. Like, I would love myself... A LOT. Everywhere. With my fingers. And also maybe my tongue. Ba. Dom. Tssss.

I could go on and on about why I want her body - but first, let's just talk about her body. Let's start with her face. 

Perfectly pointed everything, perfectly round eyes, gorgeous pouty lips. Move up slightly from that and she's got a stunning head of dark hair. And, as if it's not enough that she's seriously the most gorgeous woman on this green Earth, whatever created her was like "oh, let's give her super dark hair, dark skin, AND GREEN EYES." I mean, does it get any more beautiful? She has this fuckin' smoldering stare that drives me insane. I hate that I can't do that stare, but when I try I just look like I'm squinting... or trying to be a pirate. 

She's petite. I've always wanted to be petite. I don't even know if the term petite is relative - but I've never actually FELT petite, even though I'm lucky if I hit 5'4" these days. But I feel like Mila Kunis is probably 5'2" or 5'1" and like... 120 pounds. Not super skinny to where she looks sick, but just cute and adorable with the right amount of curves.

And can we talk about her boobs? Jesus Titty Loving Christ. She has the cutest most perky boobs. I've always hated my boobs, and wanted boobs like hers. I also want HER boobs, in my hand. But whatever that's a different topic.

Ok, so I think I've covered WHY Mila Kunis is the hottest human being on the face of Earth. Now let's cover why I want to fucking have her body as my own.

From the very young age of five, I've always wanted to wear a pretty lady's skin on me. You know, like Ed Gein type shit.

Just kidding - that would be a super fucked up blog post. Also a super fucked up idea. But I do totally want to have all of her body parts as my body parts.

I think it might actually be because she is so polar opposite of me. Sure, we're both short. But she has adorable and supple and perky boobs, she has a teeeeeny tiny waist, and a gorgeous little butt. She has an amazing muscle structure... she even has cute fucking feet. What the fuck Mila Kunis... now I'm starting to hate you.

Just kidding. I still want to put your boobs in my mouth.

And rub your feet at night until you fall asleep.

And cuddle with you in the mornings.

And play with your hair.

And hold you when you cry.

AND WEAR YOUR SKIN ON MAH FAYCE WHAT'S YER ADDRESS?! 

Ok that last part wasn't true.

TEH ERND.